Self-Test for the Six Hearts of Intimacy

You and your spouse should take this test separately. For each of the statements below, write the number indicating how important that statement is to you in terms of experiencing sexual fulfillment in your marriage, using this scale:

1 – Do not necessarily agree
2 – Somewhat agree
3 – Strongly agree


  • I am the one who is blessed when I provide for my spouse’s sexual needs.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I find contentment knowing my spouse is contented with our sexual relationship.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I know having sex on a regular basis builds a hedge to keep others out.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I can’t enjoy sex unless I know my spouse has eyes only for me.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I find it sexually exciting when my spouse and I look into each other’s eyes for a long period of time.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I need to be noticed by my spouse during the day to enjoy sex at night.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I strongly believe that our sexual intimacy is holy in the sight of God.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I find greater sexual fulfillment when we pray before we are intimate.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I become sexually excited bringing my spouse to orgasm.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I need my spouse to enthusiastically enter into the sexual act with me.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I find sexual intimacy meets a deep need in my heart for companionship.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I experience sexual attraction for my spouse when we spend the day doing routine tasks together.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I am more sexually attracted when my spouse is the spiritual leader in our relationship.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I find myself more attracted to my spouse when I watch my spouse pray, study the Bible, and attend church.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I need romance with my spouse our entire life for sex to be meaningful.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I love it when my spouse stirs my imagination with words.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I find security when my spouse takes steps to avoid sexual temptation.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I want my spouse to be the one who changes the channel when suggestive images come on the television.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I often feel emotionally intoxicated from the pleasures that sexual intercourse provides.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I want my spouse to ask me for sex as much as I ask for it.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I want my spouse to be my buddy as well as my lover.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I feel far less lonely in life when my spouse willingly gives me sex.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I want my spouse to find happiness in offering me sex.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I experience a special arousal when my spouse is joyful before intimacy.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I feel respected when my spouse enjoys the sexual act as much as I do.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I want my spouse to feel sex is more a thrill than an obligation.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I believe having regular sexual intimacy guards the door of our marriage.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I love it when my spouse tells others our love story.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I find it is easier for me to experience orgasm when I first lovingly surrender myself to my spouse.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I believe it damages a marriage when my spouse withholds sex to gain something.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I need my spouse to whisper just the right words to take me to a higher level of arousal.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I experience climax sooner when my spouse talks to me during sex.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I appreciate it when my spouse makes certain I achieve orgasm first.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I feel more loved and respected when my spouse says yes to my request for intimacy.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I know having sex with my spouse makes us closer friends.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I experience far less isolation in life when our sexual relationship is strong.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I feel rejected when my spouse is just waiting for the sexual act to be over.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I believe God designed orgasm primarily as a gift of pleasure.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I am fulfilled when my spouse consider sex a privilege not a duty.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I think it’s wrong to withhold sex simply because we’ve had a disagreement that isn’t fully resolved.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I find time with just the two of us talking and listening makes me more eager for sex.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I love it when time loses its meaning during sex.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I like sex because my spouse is my best friend.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I feel emotionally bonded to my spouse when they come along with me for everyday chores and responsibilities.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I believe watching pornography conveys sends the painful message that I’m not good enough for my spouse.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I believe remaining faithful has a huge impact on our children’s future.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I find deeper sexual satisfaction knowing our sexual relationship pleases God.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I know when my spouse makes loving sacrifices for me during the day I’m more eager for sex at night.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I feel emotionally bonded to my spouse when they sit and watch a game or movie with me.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I would be lost for meaningful relationships if my spouse were to die.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I believe emotional camaraderie strengthens our sexual bond.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I am turned on when I see my spouse is turned on by the sexual experience.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I strongly believe a couple should abstain from sex only if they both agree to it.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I want my spouse to understand saying yes to sex often and willingly says I love you.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I have found the closer my spouse’s walk with God is, the more I enjoy sex.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I want my spouse to take the spiritual initiative in our marriage just as much as they take the sexual initiative.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I find my deep sexual satisfaction is in knowing I’m my spouse’s one and only.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I want to remain faithful to my spouse so it will be easier for my children to believe in God.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I believe keeping romance alive is vital to keeping sexual intimacy alive.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • I need my spouse to be as interested in romance as they were when we first met in order to experience sexual fulfillment.
    Please enter a number from 1 to 3.
  • Scoring Key

    The total score in each category is an indication of how important that Heart of Marital Intimacy is to you in experiencing sexual fulfillment with your spouse.

    • A score of 10 indicates it’s not very important to you.
    • A score of 11 to 19 indicates it is somewhat important to you.
    • A score of 20 to 30 indicates it is very important to you.

    Your top three scores are the three Hearts of Marital Intimacy that are most important to you.

  • The Romantic Heart gives and receives love by bonding with our eyes, stirring our spouse’s emotional imagination with our words and creating intimacy with our time alone together. The number below is your calculated Romantic Heart Score.
  • The Worshipping Heart gives and receives love by exalting in God’s presence in sexual intimacy as a couple gives one another sacrificial love and extraordinary honor. The number below is your calculated Worshiping Heart Score.
  • The Companion Heart gives and receives love through deep soul-ties, emotional camaraderie, and undying loyalty. It ignites married sexual love because a strong friendship makes for good sex. The number below is your calculated Companion Heart Score.
  • The Giving Heart gives and receives love by joyfully providing for the spouse’s sexual needs and offering itself in loving surrender. The number below is your calculated Giving Heart Score.
  • The Ecstatic Heart gives and receives love by reveling in the exquisite joy and ecstasy of sharing the sexual act with their life-long spouse. The number below is your calculated Ecstatic Heart Score.
  • The Guardian Heart gives and receives love by keeping the vows of faithfulness, protecting their oneness of flesh and spirits, and drawing future generations to God as a result of relational integrity. The number below is your calculated Guardian Heart Score.

Click the image to learn about the book that inspired this quiz to enjoy deeper love and passion in your marriage!

Book - The 6 Hearts of Intimacy