Is This Mr. or Ms. Right?

Five Questions to Honestly Ask Yourselves

A. Values Harmony – Do we have real agreement on our essential guiding beliefs?

Amos 3:3 – “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”

  1. Four Categories of Couples (
    1. Vitalized Couples – Your shared values are life-giving and energize your relationship.
    2. Harmonious Couples – Your shared values allow you to live in agreement in most of the important areas of life.
    3. Conventional Couples – Your shared values are limited but your commitment to each other keeps you together.
    4. Conflicted Couples – Your shared values are few or non- existent and you daily struggle to find common ground.
  2. Two Questions to Ask:
    1. Do we both agree on the basic biblical values and convictions that guide our decision-making?
    2. Do we have to stay away from a number of topics because they inevitably lead to an argument?

B. Spiritual Maturity – Do we share the same experience of regeneration in Jesus Christ and consuming desire to press on as a disciple?

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” 2 Corinthians: 6:14-15

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me…But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize…” Philippians 3:12-14

  1. Knowing the Basis of your Salvation (Evangelism Explosion –
    1. If you were to die tonight do you know where you would spend eternity?
    2. If you were to die tonight and stand before God and He were to ask you, “Why should I let you into my heaven?” What would you say?
  2. Two Questions to Ask
    1. Who do you love more – Jesus or me?
    2. What’s the most important thing God has taught you in the last month?

C. Emotional Availability – Do we share the same ability to freely give and receive love from our hearts?

“Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them saying: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:1-10

  1. Nine Traits of an Emotionally Available Heart
    1. Humility
    2. Sympathy
    3. Meekness
    4. Righteousness
    5. Mercy
    6. Purity
    7. Peacefulness
    8. Perseverance
    9. Rejoicing
  2. Two Questions to Ask
    1. One a scale of 1 to 100 how loved do I feel by this other person?
    2. Have they ever asked me about the pain or joy I carry in my heart?

D. Mission Compatibility – Do we share the same life calling?

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.” Acts 20:24

  1. Six Elements of a Genuine Calling
    1. Persistent Desire
    2. Appropriate Gifts
    3. Inner Conviction
    4. Outside Confirmation
    5. Divinely Orchestrated Opportunities
    6. Obvious Results
  2. Two Questions to Ask
    1. What would you do with your life even if we had never met or fallen in love?
    2. How much discouragement or opposition will it take to make you doubt or abandon this calling?

E. Giftedness Synergy – Does our mix of gifts allow us to accomplish more together for Christ than we would on our own?

“We have different gifts, according to the grace given us.” Romans 12:6

    1. Three Types of Spiritual Gifts
      1. “A” Gifts – those talents or abilities given by God that we delight in using and others delight in enjoying the results.
      2. “B” Gifts – those gifts which produce acceptable results but require real effort.
      3. “C” Gifts – those gifts we really don’t enjoy at all and that leaves others wishing we would try something else.
    2. Two Questions to Ask
      1. Do I have to use bury my “A” gifts and use only “B” or “C” gifts to make the other person happy?
      2. How much are we each willing to sacrifice to allow the other person to fully use their “A” gifts?

F. Twelve Steps to Choosing the Right Partner

  1. Commit your life wholeheartedly to Jesus Christ.
  2. Make the daily decision, “Not my will, but Thy will be done.”
  3. Commit yourself to purity and save yourself for marriage.
  4. Choose only friends that help you be more like Christ.
  5. Reconcile with your parents and family as far as it depends on you.
  6. Fill your mind only with things you and Jesus could do together.
  7. Spend your free time serving the church and other people.
  8. Keep your dating or courting life essentially public.
  9. Check out the character of their friends.
  10. Take enough time for all the truth about both of you to come out.
  11. Pay close attention to the track record of their family.
  12. Pray and fast regarding the future of your relationship.
  13. Learn the difference between infatuation and a genuine heart connection.
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