February MSG Notes: Putting the Past Behind You Forgiving those who Hurt You

 “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

A.        What Forgiveness is Not

  1. Forgetting what has happened.
  2. Pretending it didn’t hurt (or still does).
  3. By-passing the difficult work of reconciliation.
  4. Automatically restoring full trust.
  5. Something we wait for until we feel like doing it.

B.        What Forgiveness is in Fact

  1. Releasing someone from the moral debt they owe us.
  2. A willingness to pay the emotional pain and consequences of another’s actions (rather than pay them back).
  3. Often both and event and a process.
  4. Ultimately between God and ourselves.

C.        Questions to Ask

  1. When we become a believer does God forgive: a) some of our sins, b) most of our sins, or c) all of our sins?
  2. When God forgives someone else should we forgive: a) some of their sins, b) most of their sins, or c) all of their sins?
  3. The steps to forgiveness are divided into three different pages3.
  4. People who have hurt me.
  5. Family members who have hurt me.
  6. My spouse who has hurt me.


D.        The Forgiveness Worksheets

  1. List the name of the specific person, the specific incident of hurting you, and the specific pain words it caused you5.
  2. Have the person pray through each name using the prayer below:

“Lord, I choose to forgive (name) for (issue) causing me to feel (pain words). I am willing to pay the emotional pain and consequences (name) caused me. I ask you Lord Jesus to take back the ground I gave to the enemy through my bitterness and I yield that ground to your control.”6

  1. People Who Have Hurt Me include all individuals that are not family members or your spouse.

The suggested list includes friends, teachers, students, employers, employees, believers, church situations, pastors, leaders, God (how you think He hurt you), myself (what you hold against yourself) and others.

  1. Family Members who have Hurt Me include your father, mother, step-parents, siblings, and other relatives.
    1. This is everyone you’re related to except your spouse.
    2. If someone lists no person or incidents they probably are emotionally detached or disassociating (emotional amnesia).
  2. My Spouse Who Hurt Me has two columns: a) Define each way your spouse has hurt you in the past, and b) Describe the emotional pain you feel because of it.
    1. The goal is not to try and run up the score.
    2. Rather to list those people that today still cause emotional pain when you think about them.

E.        An Important Distinction

  1. Reconciliation and forgiveness are different from one another.
  2. We are commanded to unconditionally forgive others whether they ask or not.
  3. Reconciliation requires two parties to seek the restoration of the relationship.
  4. Forgiveness is the starting place of all reconciliation.

F.         The Five R’s of Reconciliation

  1. Responsibility – “I did it.”
  2. Remorse – “I feel badly I did it.”
  3. Repentance – “I won’t do it again.”
  4. Restitution – “I want to make it right.”
  5. Request – “Will you accept my apology?” (My thanks to Gary Chapman – The Five Languages of an Apology)

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4: 31-32

 

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People Who Have Hurt Me

  Release Pay
List each person who has hurt you in the past. How did they hurt you?

(List the issues)

Describe the emotional pain caused by the hurt.
Friends

Teachers, students, classroom experiences

Employers, employees

Believers, church situations, pastors, leaders, etc.

God (List the ways you think God has hurt you.)

Myself (List each area for which you cannot forgive yourself.)

Others

   

 

Lord, I choose to forgive (name) for (issue), causing me to feel (emotional pain) and I am willing to pay for the emotional pain and consequences that (name) has caused me. I ask you, Lord Jesus, to take back the ground I gave to the enemy through my bitterness and I yield that ground to Your control.”

Family Members Who Have Hurt Me

  Release Pay
List each family member who has hurt you in the past. How did they hurt you?

(List the issues)

Describe the emotional pain caused by the hurt.
Father

 

Mother

 

Step-Parents

 

Siblings

 

Others

 

   

 

“Lord, I choose to forgive (name) for (issue), causing me to feel (emotional pain) and I am willing to pay for the emotional pain and consequences that (name) has caused me. I ask you, Lord Jesus, to take back the ground I gave to the enemy through my bitterness and I yield that ground to Your control.”

 

 

My Spouse Who Has Hurt Me

Release Pay
Define each way your spouse

has hurt you in the past.

Describe the emotional pain

caused by the hurt.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

 

 

“Lord, I choose to forgive (name) for (issue), causing me to feel (emotional pain) and I am willing to pay for the emotional pain and consequences that (name) has caused me. I ask you, Lord Jesus, to take back the ground I gave to the enemy through my bitterness and I yield that ground to Your control.”